2010 - A brand new decade...a brand new me?

A start of a new decade and yet here I am, wondering who I am, what I should be doing with my life, why am I not being motivated in life...should I set some New Year's resolutions only for them to break time after time?

2009 was filled with emotions...a lot of laughing, crying, heartache, and fears. Someone special came into my life for a brief moment, touching upon my heart, and teaching me a lesson on leaving the past behind. Now in 2010 I must learn to say goodbye to that person. Instead, turn a new leaf, and move on with my life and feel happiness like I never felt before.

Resolution #1: Laugh more. Whether it be with friends, family or even at work, smile and laugh and enjoy every day of the year as if it would be my last. Perhaps then, life will feel a bit more complete.

2009 also taught me to treasure the people I have around me, whether it be friends or family. Life is too precious. Friendships are important, and family is even more.

Resolution #2: Learn to be more patient with others. My parents have also told me I have to work on my patience. This year, I work towards that more so by starting with resuming my hot yoga workouts and Wing Chun lessons with my friend. Perhaps I can work towards more patience in my life.

Bad events and memories in 2009 have made me realized how many problems I tend to bottle up inside of me. I do not want to see myself fall into a depressed state of mind and turn towards bad habits in order to cope with these problems.

Resolution #3: Drink less alcohol. I am not proud of the person I am when I drink. I do not have a problem and do not want to see it escalate into a problem. Drinking less alcohol will help prevent bad situations from arising and also increase my health.

I will work on these 3 resolutions and see how I can become a new me in 2010...

"Maybe the happy ending is...just...moving on..."

But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope. - He's Just Not That Into You (the movie)

Although I watched the movie only once, this quote is quite meaninful, yet I question this quote at times too. If my happy ending doesn't include a guy, how do I move on without feeling like I need to be in a relationship? That in order for me to be completely happy, I need to find the other half of me, someone that's out there to complement me and share in my happiness? On my own, I'm picking up the pieces and starting over...but it's not easy. Maybe the happy ending is...just...moving on. But what if we can't move on right now? We are stuck in this neverending vicious cycle in which we'll be miserable...and what if I'm giving up hope....because the person out there for me I've already found and have had to say goodbye...

2009 - Update in Progress & Learning to Breathe...

Beginning of 2009 brought me new memories with new friends. Whistler adventures, lots of laughing and drunken stupidity, and most importantly lessons on finding out who your true friends are who'll stick by you through thick and thin.

The second half of 2009 brought me some happiness and tears. With a new ride, I can finally go where I want to go, but at the same time, not having someone special to enjoy these new places with. In a time when I'm suppose to be building new memories with someone, I am learning lessons on who I am, what I want in life, and how to adjust to someone new in my life.

It hurts to be able to find a person who you have this wonderful connection with, who shares similar goals and interests, yet in the end, have to stop and say goodbye to, whether it be temporarily or permanent. So with this sadness, I am following Taylor Swift's song, "Breathe":

I see your face in my mind as I drive away,
Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.
People are people,
And sometimes we change our minds.
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time.

Mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie,
Its the kinda ending you don't really wanna see.
Cause its tragedy and it'll only bring you down,
Now I dont know what to be without you around.

And we know its never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I can't,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.
But people are people,
And sometimes it doesnt work out,
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.

And we know it's never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I can't,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

It's two a.m.
Feelin' like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know it's not easy,
Easy for me.
It's two a.m.
Feelin' like I just lost a friend.

Hope you know this ain't easy,
Easy for me.

And we know it's never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.

Ohhh

I can't,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Sorry