"Maybe the happy ending is...just...moving on..."

But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope. - He's Just Not That Into You (the movie)

Although I watched the movie only once, this quote is quite meaninful, yet I question this quote at times too. If my happy ending doesn't include a guy, how do I move on without feeling like I need to be in a relationship? That in order for me to be completely happy, I need to find the other half of me, someone that's out there to complement me and share in my happiness? On my own, I'm picking up the pieces and starting over...but it's not easy. Maybe the happy ending is...just...moving on. But what if we can't move on right now? We are stuck in this neverending vicious cycle in which we'll be miserable...and what if I'm giving up hope....because the person out there for me I've already found and have had to say goodbye...

2009 - Update in Progress & Learning to Breathe...

Beginning of 2009 brought me new memories with new friends. Whistler adventures, lots of laughing and drunken stupidity, and most importantly lessons on finding out who your true friends are who'll stick by you through thick and thin.

The second half of 2009 brought me some happiness and tears. With a new ride, I can finally go where I want to go, but at the same time, not having someone special to enjoy these new places with. In a time when I'm suppose to be building new memories with someone, I am learning lessons on who I am, what I want in life, and how to adjust to someone new in my life.

It hurts to be able to find a person who you have this wonderful connection with, who shares similar goals and interests, yet in the end, have to stop and say goodbye to, whether it be temporarily or permanent. So with this sadness, I am following Taylor Swift's song, "Breathe":

I see your face in my mind as I drive away,
Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.
People are people,
And sometimes we change our minds.
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time.

Mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie,
Its the kinda ending you don't really wanna see.
Cause its tragedy and it'll only bring you down,
Now I dont know what to be without you around.

And we know its never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I can't,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.
But people are people,
And sometimes it doesnt work out,
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.

And we know it's never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I can't,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

It's two a.m.
Feelin' like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know it's not easy,
Easy for me.
It's two a.m.
Feelin' like I just lost a friend.

Hope you know this ain't easy,
Easy for me.

And we know it's never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.

Ohhh

I can't,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Sorry

2009 - Fresh Start, Take 2?

Welcome to 2009!

Another year has past to reflect on, and another year where we end up making new resolutions and having a clean slate to do whatever it may be for another year.

What happened in 2008? I got out of my rut and started to finally be social again. Made new friends, embarrassed myself greatly at times, yet laughed off any sadness I may have with the help of my friends and family. Thanks to all those who pulled me out of my tough time! I ended 2008 with a bunch of great friends in the heart of Times Square dancing the night away...

For 2009, is this another fresh start for me? To finally put all the memories that I don't want anymore aside? The other night I broke down again...not wanting to, but while chatting with a friend online, felt all the memories coming back. The sadness of letting go...wanting to move on but can't find the way to. Asking myself if I can find true happiness this year.

Tonight I was looking through all my old photos I had kept on my hard drive...from back in 2003 until now. Of that, consisted of memories of different relationships, different feelings.

• 2003 was definitely a highlight year, as questionable as one of the friendship/relationships must be. Thank you to that person who was there, and still is there, for me, as a friend even if it wasn't anything more.
• 2004 saw me through a short but sweet relationship. Thank you for the memories and for still being a friend to me.
• 2005-2007 gave me the happiest and saddest times within a relationship. Thank you for showing me what it is to love someone so much that it hurts to let them go. And thanks to the friends that stuck by me.
• 2008 was the start of new friendships. Thank you for making me laugh again.

Brings us to 2009...what will the year have in store for me?